Current Events

“You Gon’ Learn Today” – My Racial Bias Training

In light of the recent typical racist bullshit incident involving Becky, Holly Hylton, calling the police on two Black men, Rashon Nelson and Donte Robinson in just 2 minutes of their arrival at Starbucks, the company has announced that it will be closing 8000 company owned stores on the afternoon of May 29, to provide racial bias training to 175,000 employees. This is to address the apparent racial profiling that happened while Nelson and Robinson were in the Starbucks waiting for a friend to discuss a business deal. Presumably, both men were waiting for their friend’s arrival before ordering, you know, like most people in the world. But because Black people seem to turn into the Incredible Hulk when doing everyday things like driving, walking, exercising, talking, jogging, eating, breathing, Holly took it upon herself to immediately call the police and put in a Code Red for Two Black Men Breathing.

The incident was caught on camera and quickly went viral leaving Starbucks no other choice than to deal with this issue. While I do not believe one afternoon of training will be effective in dealing with racism, I am not against anyone STARTING to learn about racial bias. However, that training cannot just be a few hours in the afternoon, and then we all come together sip lattes and eat cake balls. That is not how life works. Systemic racism was not designed in one day, and it will not be dismantled in one afternoon, but I am always open to anyone starting on the journey to authentic learning.

Of course, for some people, Starbucks closing its stores for one afternoon caused a complete White privilege meltdown.

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I mean, why have racial bias training when so many people need a grande, venti, mocha, blah blah fucking blah?  People with that attitude are precisely why not just Starbucks employees, but basically, the ENTIRE NATION needs racial bias, implicit bias, diversity, equity, just don’t be fucking racist, training. For that reason, I have decided to hold my own online training for the people that are whining about not getting a coffee in the afternoon.

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The following classes will be offered:

Class 101 : Everything Isn’t About You 

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Class 102: Stop Call The Damn Police Because Black People Are Breathing

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Class 103: How Not To Steal Black Culture

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Class 104: Your Ancestors Did Some Fucked Up Shit. Own It. 

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Class 105: Finances. We Want Our Shit. Pay Me What You Owe Me!

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Class 106: How to Stop Crying When The Reality of Racism Is Painful. Will Also Cover How to Stop Weaponizing White Tears

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Class 107: How To Listen to Black People When We Speak To Avoid Half the Bullshit We Are Currently Going Through 

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Class 108: Lunch. The Art of Making Basic Potato Salad- Without Raisins, Cilantro or Figs 

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Class 109: Why Reverse Racism Isn’t “A Thing”

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Class 110: How To Resist the Urge To Explain to Black People The Black Struggle. Will Also Cover Why Pulling Yourself Up By Your Bootstraps Has Challenges like Racism 

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Class 111: How To Stop Touching A Black Woman’s Hair will also cover Why Black Hair Should NOT Be On Your Agenda and Why Cornrows Are Not Boxer Braids

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Class 112: How To Spot the Difference Between a Cellphone, Wallet, Crowbar, Gun, and Empty Hands 

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Class 113: Why Voting For A Racist Can Be Detrimental To Your Health will also cover How NOT To Vote Against Your Own Interests 

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EXTRA CREDIT CLASS: Why you CANNOT Say The N- Word. 

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EXTRA CREDIT CLASS: Understanding That Black Women Have A Range of Emotions Not Just Anger 

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Basically, DON’T BE RACIST!!! CLASS DISMISSED! 

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23 replies »

    • Yes! It’s ridiculous! Starbucks is ONLY closing for ONE afternoon. They need to get their coffee in the morning and stop whining! They don’t even see they are part of the problem.

      • They should all be told, ‘Until you can treat people equally and with respect no matter the colour of their skin you won’t get any damn coffee. Ever.’ And if that makes them listen, it will show how utterly pathetic they are.
        People deserve to be treated well because they’re people, not because there’s something in it for you.

  1. Saw this on the explorations of the divine feminine blog email and shared it on my fb page too…this is perfect.

    While I ‘hear’ your words, I have been disgusted to learn how many people really do touch black hair with or without asking (ewww…)

    but now I learn that some white people put “raisins, cilantro and/or figs” in potato salad??? (no, not just no, but hell no…)

    thank you for class <3

    • This is a little off topic, but that’s the most shocking thing I learned this month: That White People put shit in potato salad that doesn’t belong in potato salad. 😂😂😂😂

      Who the hell puts raisin in potato salad? And why can’t we imprison those people? Or at least block up their kitchens?

    • What is so odd is it happened to me last night. I was minding my own business and I feel something on my back and sure enough, a White woman is telling me how much she loves my hair and how pretty it is. My daughter and I just rolled our eyes. I appreciate that she likes my hair but there is no need to touch it.

  2. Amen!
    It is impossible to find a cup of coffee under $2 anywhere since Starbucks came along & reached into every crevice of America with their $5 price tag for a product that costs 5 cents per cup in food cost. I’m sure the poor farmers aren’t being paid fairly either. Black folk need to know that just because we are “free” to go to Starbuck’s (or any other establishment that doesn’t want our presence), we shouldn’t grace them with our patronage. We need to keep our coins in our pockets!
    Excellent piece, Hannah!

    • Right! I was never a Starbucks fan because they have always gave off a racist vibe to me so I avoided it as much as I could unless someone wanted to meet there. I did drink those bottled coffees they have in the store but I will no longer be purchasing those. While I know Starbucks is going through some “training” they have sealed their fate with me.

  3. I had some strange white chic caressing my hair one day saying she never touched mixed girl hair before & that it felt similar to hers. I told her she might not want to practice touching women’s hair uninvited, she might not fair so well next time. She told me it was ok because she’s a hairdresser. If she ain’t sitting in yo chair, keep yo mitts off her hair!

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