Last year, I was in the airport on the rolling walkway with clear directions posted before stepping on the sidewalk to ‘stand on the right or walk on the left.’ There was a White man in front of me that disregarded the sign and stood in the middle of the rolling walkway preventing anyone from passing him. Behind me, I could hear someone approaching, and I turned around and saw a middle age Black woman walking briskly with her rolling suitcase flying behind her. I pressed myself and my luggage against the side rail to move out of her way and allow her easy access to pass me. She whizzed by me and in front of her was the White man, oblivious that she was behind him and in an apparent rush. He never turned around, never moved and never once thought that others behind him might need to pass. While I would like to say the Black woman, leaped over him, luggage in tow in a single bound, she stopped dead in her tracks. She never said a word. She never politely tapped the man on the shoulder to say, “Excuse me, may I get by you?” She just accepted that he was not going to move and for some reason even though she was in an apparent rush, she made a choice not to ask for him to cede the space for her to pass. She waited for the rolling walkway to come to an end, waited for him to saunter off the walkway then immediately took off in a sprint heading towards her gate. That small interaction stayed with me my entire flight.
As I made my connecting flight, I was looking forward to having pizza at the airport. I cannot recall the name of the restaurant, but it has the best pizza with prosciutto, arugula and cooked eggs on top surrounded by hot, creamy goat cheese. After I got my pizza, I sat down at an empty counter and put my earphones in, anxiously ready to take a huge bite. Before I could get my first bite, a White man walked up to the opposite side of the counter, facing me, with his food. I looked up at him then looked down at the completely empty counter space (besides me sitting at it) wondering why he chose to stand directly in front of me as he added salt to his food? Typically, I would move down, but after witnessing the Black woman on the rolling walkway, I made a decision, “I am NOT moving! I do not care if he wants to stand there until I have finished every bite of this pizza, I refuse to move to accommodate him!” After he enjoyed a few bites of his food and noticed that I was not going to move, he packed up his belongings and moved to the end of the counter.
Victory!
It was just that easy. I made a conscious decision as a Black woman to hold my space. I was not going to cede my space to a White person because that is what was expected of me. Now, before you read any further, this is not a blog about being rude, impolite, etc. I believe as an “average” human being we understand that there are sometimes you must and should cede your space. If you are in the way of someone that has some physical challenges or someone is elderly and as a result, has some physical issues that is different. I am not talking about ordinary, everyday courtesy we extend to others for often apparent reasons. That is NOT what I am talking about so please do not message me about that or make this blog about that. If you do, you are taking the easy way out of this blog and not looking at the totality of what I am discussing.
I am talking about Black people, particularly Black women and People of Color being cognizant of how they navigate throughout spaces making accommodations for White people and White people having an expectation that Black people or People of Color must navigate their bodies to allow White people access in spaces. This is more than someone being rude; this is about White people feeling as if Black bodies should accommodate them in spaces and if we do not, it is seen as the Black person being rude, unpleasant and intimidating.
An example of this is a recent incident documented by Frederick T. Joseph, who took a photo of a White woman placing her feet on his dining tray on an airplane. The airline staff did not address the woman and when Joseph asked the woman to move her feet, she accused him of disrupting her flight. According to the article, when the flight staff asked the woman to remove her feet she stated, “If I put one foot down, I want to be accommodated for accommodating him.” In this space, the White woman felt she was well within her right to infringe on Joseph’s space and when told she could not, she wanted to be accommodated as if respecting his space was doing him a favor.
Photo by Frederick T. Joseph/Twitter
Black people and People of Color accommodate spaces for White people so often that we may not even realize that we are doing it or how ingrained it is in Black culture to cede your space. I hadn’t given thought to the incident in the airport in a while; however, yesterday I read a Twitter thread by, Tatiana Mac and the memory of that day instantly came to my mind. (Please read the complete thread on Twitter.)
White friends: If you care about me, please read this.
Alone, these events take up only a few minutes each. I'm writing them out in detail in hopes that you might be able to see a modicum of what I (and other WOC) go through daily.
🧵thread🧵
— Tatiana Mac (@tatianatmac) July 9, 2018
While thousands of people shared, understood and could relate to Tatiana’s story, there was an exchange by a White woman named Liberty Warrior that brought the thread full circle. (I am providing screenshots below because I knew it would only be a matter of time before Liberty Warrior blocked me and true to form, when I went to the thread today, she had blocked me. Because I deal with women like Liberty Warrior often, I had already taken screen shots of the conversation because I knew she would do that. That is often the modus operandi of people like her. When they do not want to face the truth, they block the truth.)
Even in the virtual arena, Black people and People of Color are expected to cede their space. If you look at the thread, Liberty Warrior was repeatedly asked to remove herself from Tatiana’s thread, and she refused. Instead of starting her own thread in her own virtual space, she felt it was necessary to list all the times that People of Color have made her feel inferior in spaces on Tatiana’s thread. She could not understand that she was doing the very thing that Tatiana was talking about just in a virtual space. When I mentioned this to her, she called me sweetheart, and when I told her that was not my name, she proceeded to tell me that SHE can call me whatever she wants. Why does she feel that she has that authority? Because in many spaces, even virtual spaces, many White people think that Black people and People of Color must step back, bow down, and relinquish their virtual space to accommodate their racism.
For centuries, White America has dictated how Black people can navigate our own bodies in spaces. It is not just the physical space itself being regulated by White people but the actual way Black people can use their bodies in these spaces. For instance, there was a time in this country that Black people were required to step off the sidewalk if a White person was approaching them and allow the White person to pass, before stepping on the sidewalk again. According to Dr. Ronald L. F. Davis of
California State University, Jim Crow laws provided “racial etiquette” for Black people. Black people were required to be “agreeable and non-challenging, even when the White person was mistaken about something.”
Black people are often told how much space we are allowed to take up, and our space is often infringed upon to accommodate White people. If we are tall, our height is used as a way to demonize us. This was evident when 12-year-old Tamir Rice was murdered within minutes by the police in Cleveland, Ohio. Tamir was described by now ousted police union president, Steve Loomis as, “Menacing. He’s 5-feet-7, 191 pounds. He wasn’t that little kid you’re seeing in pictures. He’s a 12-year-old in an adult body.” Tamir could not help his height. Yet his physical appearance was used to justify his murder. If we take up too much space, it is a problem. Black people and People of Color are acutely aware of our bodies in spaces. I have been in meetings, and everyone has been acknowledged, but me or I am acknowledged last. I have sat in spaces, and after a quick introduction, people cease directing any comments to me. It is almost as if I am The Invisible Black Person by the door just taking up space. I am learning after the airport incident, to hold my space. I am here, and I will not apologize if me holding my space disrupts your day.
My challenge for Black people and People of Color, particularly Black women and Women of Color, is to hold your space. I challenge you for the next 24-48 hours to be aware of your body in spaces and do not move for a White person or make any apologies for physically occupying any space. Be mindful of how you navigate sidewalks, who moves to accommodate you and who doesn’t. If someone infringes on your space, do you speak up or remain silent? Make a mental note of any time you feel you were “expected” to move and the reaction of the other person when you didn’t. Take note of how people accommodate others in spaces. Was it frightening or empowering to hold your space? Do you think people felt you were intimidating? How did you feel at the end of the day?
For White people, I challenge you for the next 24-48 hours to be aware of how to treat Black people and People of Color in spaces. Do you have an expectation that Black people and People of Color should move out of your way? How many times do you insert yourself and your comments into virtual spaces because you feel it is your right without reading and listening to People of Color that have stated their truth on a particular issue? Do you speak around the Black person as if they are not in the room? Do you interrupt People of Color when they are speaking? Are you cutting a Black person or a Person of Color in line because you feel that is your right? Also be aware of how it feels to be cognizant of how your body navigates spaces and imagine how that would feel to do that at the very least for 8 hours out of each day.
When I held my space at the airport, I felt empowered. I was angry that someone stood right in front of me and started eating as if I was not right there. I am here. I have every right to be here. I have the right to be in spaces. I will no longer apologize for taking up space nor will I cede my space to a White person simply because that is some unwritten but expected rule. Over the next two days, walk in your authority. Walk as if you want the world to know, “I am here!” Because you are. And you deserve to be.
Please come back after you do the challenge and share some of your thoughts!
Enjoy the Sidewalk! Photo Credit: Nappy.co Artist: @photosbyphab
Categories: Race Relations, Thoughts, Musings and Reflections
O.M.G.! I have become more conscious of a lot of things recently, but not until i read your perspective did i realize that I am guilty of doing this. I’ve compromised my space at least 3 times today and I’ve only been outside my house for 6 hours. I accept your challenge and am looking forward to being unapologetic for being present. This was a great read for me.
Thank you so much for reading, Adreanna. We do this so much that often we do not even realize we are doing it. Watching that incident unfold in the airport made me notice it and then the man standing in front of me as I ate. I was like, “Dude For real?!” It was unbelievable. So yes please do the challenge and please let me know how it goes! Hold your space!!!
Whites experience having to “cede” the way also. It happens all over the board.
Everyone needs love and to be considerate.
That man not moving may have just been a mistake, but it gets taken as the man being ignorant because the woman was black. What if the woman was white and he didnt move?
Assuming its race related, is not a solution, if anything it adds to the problem.
I would read through some of the accounts people have shared here and on the Twitter thread and try not to make it a White people deal with this too thing. Try to listen to the totality of the stories people are sharing. Thank you for reading.
Reply to “Jimmy,” below:
Hey, Jimmy, by lecturing and dismissing a Black woman who is discussing her learned experience as a Black woman, you are you are taking up her space, which is EXACTLY what she is writing about. And in case you’ve never heard the term, “micro-aggression,” look it up.
Hi Hannah, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
What a timely, well written, and powerful article. I’m over all the fuckery. I accept the challenge.
Thank you so much!
I appreciate this article particularly because it gives me concrete direction on how to behave in a more thoughtful manner. Today while shopping at Walmart with my mother, I noticed 3 or 4 individuals politely say excuse me when they needed to get by us or get to an item we were blocking. I have to admit that I was annoyed by the requests. But I also realized that I would make similar requests without thought. I can’t expect others to go a long way around or wait when I wouldn’t do the same. Perhaps my mom and I aren’t cognizant of how much space we’re taking up. I believe that it’s the responsibility of people of color to educate white people but articles like yours are helpful.
“I believe that it’s the responsibility of people of color to educate white people but articles like yours are helpful.” – I believe you misspoke here. And if you are a European/white person, not identifying yourself as such as you identify/racialize PoC/African people, you are also guilty of defining targeted people in dpace without equity, also defining yourself, taking up space without similar vulnerability.
You know what you’re doing, right? You are asking for POC to do the work, the heavy lifting, for white ppl! Not one POC owes this labor… not ONE… there are thousands of articles/books/podcasts/lectures etc that all white ppl can find. with so much privilege can find/go to/listen to without a POC “telling” them how they feel! My gosh! The last sentence you wrote makes me sick and negates what you were trying to say. (As a white woman, with my immense privledge, I will educate myself, and be the best ally that I can be.)
Dear Meri. It is NOT the responsibility of POC to educate white people. It is for white people to confront their racist attitudes and views and educate themselves.
No, it’s not our responsibility to educate white people. Wow.
I am thinking you made a typo because of the rest of your last sentence you adding but articles like yours are helpful. I believe you meant it is not the responsible of People of Color to educate White people. Which is true however, I continue to write and share what I can and hopefully people take from it what they can. It takes a lot for people to look in a mirror and say, that’s me but you recognized that you got annoyed at a request that you, yourself would make. So now that you recognize it, you just try not to do it or ask yourself, “Why is this bothering me?” That’s always the best starting point-yourself. Thank you for reading, Meri.
MY Reply to “Jimmy,” below:
So if you feel that way, then why not accept this blog post as a message about not being rude AND not accepting rude behavior – period?! If you must expand the discussion to include “all people,” then take it as a lesson to pay closer attention to how you treat people generally. Frankly, you shouldn’t expect ANYONE to just move from a space; nor should ANYONE expect you to move. People are going to have to learn to communicate and be respectful of one another, or deal with every individual’s right to stand their ground.
Hannah, this is another awesome piece! I hope people do take your challenge & feel the power of FREEDOM! I have to be honest & say that I had taken such freedom for granted. Being biracial, I have always been the person to ask white folk to “excuse me, I need to get by”, & then watch them [& other black folk] look at me like I’m crazy WHILE they move out of my way. I’ve got places to be JUST LIKE THEM. And so does EVERY OTHER HUMAN BEING. Stand & walk in your authority!
“And ALL people of the earth will SEE that YOU are called by the Name of the Lord & they WILL be AFRAID of you.” (Deuteronomy 28:10)
That’s black folk.
Thank you so much, Queen Esther. You are so right. When I have done it sometimes people look at me, “Like don’t do that.” It has been so ingrained sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. But nope. Like you said I have places to be just like everyone else. Wait your turn. Don’t cut me.
Hi Queen, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
Hello, Phillip. I don’t have an “inspirational posts” blog, so you must be mistaken. If my actual blog has ALLEGEDLY impacted your life then you may PUBLICLY post a message there just as you have done here. If you are talking about YESHUA then you have no problem declaring that publicly. And please do not reach out to me on anyone else’s blog again, that isn’t very respectful. Thank you in advance. God bless.
As a white woman, I was dumbfounded by Tatiana Mac’s thread. I had no idea that POC are literally expected to cede their personal space. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve never noticed it.
Her thread and your blog post represent one of the best things about social media and the internet – POC and members of other minority and/or oppressed groups sharing their perspectives and insight and being heard. These voices provide both solidarity among their communities and the opportunity to educate mine. The unfortunate price that you are forced to pay, of course, is the bigots and the trolls. I’m grateful that you choose to do it anyway.
From my self–reflection after reading the thread, I suspect that I have been one of the WW who “crawl into the erasure cave” with POC when witnessing microaggressions. I hadn’t thought it through enough before to realize how incredibly insufficient that reaction is. I’m truly sorry. I thought I was an ally, but now I’ll be a better one.
Thank you for including a challenge for white people in your post – I accept.
We will do better. We will be better. And it will be because of communication like yours and Tatiana’s.
Thank you for reading and for understanding. A lot of White people have told me they didn’t know this was a thing until they really sat and thought about it. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You will notice it all around you, pay particular attention in the grocery store. I believe we all can be better and this is a great way to start- reflecting, taking notice and then acting on it.
This is really all that I require of White people, actually. To be better than they were, (because, sadly, many of them are running pell-mell towards being their worst possible self.)
If you believe the purpose of being human, is to improve and be better, than one should strive to do so.
I fee like so many white people aren’t even trying that I have to encourage the ones who are.
Thanks. And I’m sorry you have to encourage us. That so should not be your responsibility, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
Thank you for writing this. When I’m not out with my children and see white people walking towards us I make sure to say “Keep to the right”. Most of the time it’s they who aren’t following basic walking etiquettes and are expecting us to move. A white woman actually yelled at us and said “you can go around”. So it’s really known that is what they expect. Even when they are wrong they expect us to move.
In a separate incident a car was parked outside of the lines and left little space for any other car to fit but my husband made it work. I stayed in the car as my husband shopped. When the white woman returned to her car I watched her from the passenger seat try to get into her car. Instead of asking if I could move my car she pretended to not see me sitting there. When she got in her car she yelled “a$$hole” before slamming her door. She was the one parked crazy!!! Smh she could’ve just asked me to move since she was having such a hard time getting into her car but the expectation was for me to jump and move. Not sorry.
Yeah, I would have just sat and watched her too.
I personally as a Haitian woman make the world easier for white people when I am around. I have always noticed how people would take on extra projects at work for their white co-workers and for me to be expected to do the same. I say, Nope. Not that I’m not a team player, but I am not getting part of your paycheck. I am not doing part of your work. I don’t move over on side walks, I don’t get up when an older white person is looking for the seat. How many seats did you give up for my ancestors when you were a child, old white man? None. So no seat for you! I hardly let them pass when I’m driving. Everything, I mean everything has to do with race. And with someone who is married to a white man, who has two bi racial kids, I make this a point. My husband understand, but most importantly my girls, understand. They are not here to make other peoples life easier for them. They will no apologize for being too thin, too fat, too tall, too short, too black, too white to anyone. They will take that extra space, they will walk in their power and look you dead in your eyes while they strut.
This is pretty much how I live most of the time. I’m not here to make their lives happy, or take care of them. I think part of it is that I grew up in an environment where i simply did not interact with White people everyday, so didn’t learn I was “supposed” to act a certain way with them. I treated them with the same casual aloofness I treated Black people (I’m not really so much of a people person.) I’m sure some of them felt some type of way about it (and probably do now) but I wouldn’t know.
Another part of it is I live in a large midwestern city (a kind of pleasant bubble really) where people generally tend to mind their own business and leave each other alone.
Yep! It’s expected. No. Not gonna happen. And as I mentioned in the blog with the Jim Crow laws, EVEN when White people were WRONG, Black people couldn’t say/do anything. And in both instances you mentioned, they were the ones doing something wrong but you were called the name. It’s YOUR fault somehow. I do not understand how people do not see this. Or perhaps they do and just don’t want to admit it. I am so glad this blog and Tatiana’s Twitter thread is sparking a great conversation and really making people think about this.
This is very interesting and something I have definitely thought about (and will continue to!). I am not a person of color, but I have noticed this as a woman too. I’m from NYC, so it’s a constant struggle for space, and I have told myself many times that I will not step aside in the street for a man, or let manspreading get in my way!
But I have wondered if me trying to put my foot down and stand my ground as a woman has come across as me putting my foot down as a white person? Which i wasnt intending, but now I know to keep that mind and make sure others are aware as well.
Thanks for the article!
To your point and I believe I mentioned in the blog, Black people, particularly Black women and Women of Color, because I think of you are a minority it is a double whammy. Many women are already erased and then when you add being in a minority within a minority, it goes on even more. I remember I was in a group and everyone had to pair up (maybe around 30ish people), everyone paired up with someone and left me. This happened this year. I went home and cried and I am fully grown but I felt like the kid that doesn’t get picked for kickball. It just hurt that NO ONE in this group wanted to partner with me. They sent us a survey to review the event and I mentioned that. I already felt awkward because I was the ONLY Black person then it became highly evident I was not welcomed in the space and this was a meeting about helping senior citizens. So you would think they were a compassionate group. Anyways, I totally understand it as a woman and I overstand it as Black woman. Hopefully, you did not come across the way you mentioned in your comment and from what you have said, you do not seem that way. I am glad it is something you are thinking about.
Hi Michelle, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
This happen to me at an airport. 3 White ladies were in the way of the gate and my group was called. I did say excuse me but they kept on chatting. So me and my luggage went right through them. They had the nerve to be appalled and upset because I didn’t want to wait for them to finish they’re convo. lol.
Yep! And it kills me when they act offended. Just Wednesday, I kid you not, we were in Target and we needed to get some soap and sure enough two women blocking the aisle having a conversation. My daughter said, “Just forget it. Let’s go.” NOPE! Ummm excuse me! We got the soap!
Hi Nikki, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
I am curious about etiquette in participating in Twitter conversations. I’ve always felt like quote-tweeting is a way of directing attention away from a conversation, making it about me in some way. But the flip side is potentially invading someone else’s virtual space with replies.
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btw this story reminds me of, years ago, standing on some crowded stairs waiting to get into a club. I was standing on the left (wrong) side, and a black dude was walking up the stairs. When he got to me, he said “excuse me” and I responded with “you can go around me.” Maybe I was drunk, maybe I was in a bad mood, or maybe I felt a power dynamic that I wanted to exploit. In any case, I feel a pit in my stomach any time I think about it. It’s a reminder to me that when I read articles like yours, to examine how and why I behave that way, rather than telling myself, “I would never.”
Thank you, Pat for your comment. In regards to Twitter on that particular thread and people have done this to me as well, they come on your thread and want to make it about what they want to make it about and it usually starts with, “Not All”, “Well what about”, “Not Me,” and it’s like uhhhhhhh. They try to steer the conversation to what they want and derail it (which happens) but Tatiana politely (and might I say, much more politely than I would have) told her, to make her own thread on her own page. Did she do that? Nope! She was determined to make the conversation what she wanted to make it be. Even on Twitter especially when the topic is race, many White people jump in with “What about Chicago,” no matter what you are talking about when it comes to violence. And its like stop stepping in this space doing that. If you want to speak about Chicago you can speak about it all day long on your page. It derails the conversation, it is an attempt to take away from good points and adds nothing to the conversation. Many people don’t read to understand like I told her they read to be offended, put themselves in the center and respond.
Regarding your story you shared, thank you for sharing that story. It takes a lot to just come out and admit, yep I have done that. Many people do it and don’t even think about and many Black people/People of Color “go around” without even thinking about it. However, since you recognize that you have done it, try not to do it again. At least you are mindful of it and have thought about it even before this blog. And something tells me it you won’t do it again.
Awesome blog post. So thoughtful and well stated. Thanks for sharing. Who puts salt on pizza anyway?
Thank you for reading, David. The place served other things but is known for pizza and I can’t remember what he ate thats why I just said food. If he was putting salt on his pizza, just no. LOL! This happened last year so I couldn’t remember the name of the place and didn’t want to try to guess but I have been to the airport twice I know because I had the pizza twice and it is sooooo good!! So I was happy I could have it again. When he stood in front of me honestly I thought, “Has he lost his mind?” The ENTIRE counter was empty except for me. And he just started eating like it was nothing. But I stood my ground, enjoyed my pizza and that’s that. 🙂
The white woman on the plane had her feet on her OWN tray…not his…
And in that instance he was basically playing the part of a white person trying to call the authorities on her for existing.
What she does within the confines of her seat space (within reason) is her business, and he should have minded his.
Thank you for reading. I believe the photo and article speaks for itself so I do not have anything else to add. This is the link to his story and comments on Twitter regarding the incident and the aftermath. https://twitter.com/FredTJoseph/status/973649195063267328
Thank you for this clear discussion. I became aware of this when I was in Malaysia of all places and walking with Malaysian friends. I’ve noticed that white folks tend not to look at other people—especially POC—when they are walking around. My friends did not give any ground whatsoever and the white folks had to move. Once this hit my consciousness, I noticed my own tendency to give ground and determined not to do it anymore—especially on the sidewalk, especially when people are blocking the pathway anywhere. And frankly, it is patently unsafe to walk in the street just to accommodate folks taking up a whole sidewalk to have a conversation. I must share this with all my friends.
Hi Lynda, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
Great article, I attend a predominately white university, not a day goes by that i don’t have this issue. The nerve of them to have this false sense of entitlement. Sickening. I’m ready for this challenge, enough is enough. Thank u for speaking my heart, looking forward for more!
My daughter dealt with this a lot at her university and had to stop and pull one of her friends back on the sidewalk when she was moving in the grass for White people to pass. She explained to her to never do that (unless like the blog said someone has some physical challenges or something like that). My daughter said this happens on the time on her old campus which was predominately White. I hope the challenge has gone well for you. Feel free to come back and let us know.
So I gave it a shot, and I held my ground. They moved, because I sure wasn’t. I got through the week unscathed, and I’m proud that I am managing these issues effectively. Thanks!
Wonderful, Tiffani!! There is such a sense of empowerment. I did it all last week and felt great! When at first started doing it, I was nervous but why? I am not doing anything wrong by holding my space. I found that people simply said excuse me if they needed to get by or waited. Which is what I do when I need to get by. What I don’t do is pretend someone isn’t there or just cut the line which is often what happens. We are here and we belong here. I am glad your week went well! ❤️
Top photo is by @createdbyjarrod on both twitter and IG. Please give the correct photo credit.
Clese I got the picture from nappy.co and this is what is stated on their site: “You do not need permission nor do you need to give photo cred when using these photos, however, we strongly recommend it.” So while they say you do not need to give permission or give photo cred, I don’t mind doing it at all. I just wanted to be clear what was stated on the site. Once I downloaded it, I could not find the picture again. As you can see the other photo is credited (from the same site and the same stipulations that you don’t have to give credit) because I made a note to write it down so I wouldn’t lose track of the name of the photographer. Thanks it’s a beautiful picture and I am glad they allowed it to be used!
I am a business traveler and i can say my worst encounters have been White men. They have reached over me or interrupted my conversation and will try to run over me. But i am tough now, i check them and correct bad behavior. I am that “ONE”. A few weeks ago i found myself saying I am sorry and i couldn’t figure out what i was apologizing for just said it out of habit. No More! It is a new day. Thanks for the challenge. I live it every trip i take
JLynn, you spoke my heart! It’s like what are we apologizing for? For existing?! For taking up space?! Why are we apologizing?! That’s a blog in itself -to get through the day without saying, “I’m sorry,” unless it is warranted. I do that ALL THE TIME!!! I have to work on that. Seriously! I’m apologizing for nothing! I will challenge myself not to do that anymore unless like I said, it is warranted. We shouldn’t be apologizing for taking up space. We aren’t invisible! I hope the challenge goes great for you and you feel empowered!
Funny – last Christmas I was back in the Caribbean ( I was born in the Caribbean) so I was on my island with my kids. We were standing at this restaurant by the area where it says please wait to be seated. So we were standing there and I made eye contact with the hostess and she sort of waived me to wait. White dude walks in, walks past us , – don’t even look at us and tells the server that he needs a seat and proceeds to follow her. I was livid – I thought even in my own island , my country – white men come to push me out of the way. But I did not cede my space – I yelled to the hostess that I was here first.
It really hurts when it happens in your own homeland. There’s a bit of an extra sting.
Yeah, just like here in our “homeland” America. No more.
Hi Angela, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
I’m so mindful of this and have always held my space. I love this idea and thisnwas such a great article!!!
Hannah,
I have for a long time now, noticed how white people will walk at you. I pretty much walk a straight line down the street. I have become conscious of white people changing their direction to walk right at me. I realized that I had been moving out of the way. For the past few years, I keep walking straight. Once, a woman holding a pizza in her hand like a waiter, changed her direction and made her way toward me and my straight line. I did not move out of her way, but she walked right into me. Her pizza fell to the ground upside down. I kept walking. She picked up her pizza and kept walking without a word, obviously knowing that she was in the wrong. Another white woman passerby saw the incident and gave me such a dirty look, like I had done something so unjust. I just returned the look with the “I won’t be wasting my time on you today” look.
I have other stories, but this one I remember the most.
I honestly have been more consciously aware of this in my dealings with whites since there has been a resurgence of racism. Even maybe 2 weeks ago I noticed how a white woman and her daughter broke in line as me and my son waited to get a balloon for him after a children’s activity. I was furious. Most times I try to stand up but for some reason I felt like the lady was related to another lady waiting in front of us and tried to excuse her breaking in front. Before I got in line with my son I knew a lot of white kids broke in line in front of my son bc he was perhaps the only black in line. So I got in line to stand up for him bc he’s 4 years old and often is too nice to people. I’m trying to teach him to stand up for himself in situations like this.
Great read. I have actually held this position for many years, after noticing that this happens quite a bit to Black folks. My rationale is that my parents and grandparents no doubt HAD to do that as somewhat of a sacrifice for me, and I refuse to let those sacrifices go in vain. I will NOT cede my space. As an experiment, I often stand in a space, for instance in a grocery store — pretending that I don’t see them, of course — and watch how tormented many whites are as to whether or not they should ask for permission to get by by saying, “excuse me.” I mean, they really have a HARD time doing it, in many instances. It’s amazing. And I will NOT move unless they say excuse me.
Truth talk. Airports seem to amplify rudeness. Or the cost of travel and I think many airlines increased use of artificial classism to board encourages such entitled behavior. I once had my arm forced off the shared elbow rest by a white dude after he arrived late to our row and pretended he didn’t see me. He forced it off a second time. The third time he tried he was met with equal force and when I did not yield the space he grumbled and pouted the rest of the long ass flight. I felt a small victory for not ceding the space, but I also deplaned hoping that he wasn’t a serial killer. It’s when I reflect on that fear of punishment for standing my ground that I realize how racism can impact the victim more than once. Love your blog!
This was a great article. I feel i am naturally more confrontational than passive. But i am 5’2 and have been tried by bullies of all colors my whole life. I think being bullied by blacks that will physically fight me helped prepare me not to fear a weak white person. I have always viewed whites as the weaker race so standing my ground to them has been so simple. However there are other things i subconsciously do that is metaphorically bowing down. I automatically dialect switch to whites everytime. I feel the nervousness in me that they have the power to have me fired or something.
Hi Aisha, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
I decided a long time ago not to move over to accommodate white people who don’t follow walking etiquette of “keep to the right.” The other day I kept to the right as a white woman approached me, unwilling to keep to her side of the sidewalk. I let her bump into me and teeter on her high heels. The look of shock on her face was priceless. She was so angry but didn’t dare to speak to me.
This is absolutely true! I used to work at a rather “high end” home accessories store, on the merch team and when stocking the store one day I realized that I had moved my cart out of the way of a white woman walking and said excuse me. I SAID EXCUSE ME! she said nothing. Not a thank you, not. A. Word. She acted as though I wasn’t there. I was shocked. Myself and the cart were there before the woman and before someone says “well you are working so you should accommodate her” the fact is that, that doesn’t matter. I was stationary, she was in motion, if I were her I would have moved around the person in my position without a single thought.
I had an epiphany that day and have been aware of accommodating white people ever since. Now, let me preface my further comments by saying I am about 5’8/5’9. A Black woman with funky glasses and size 24 hips and junk in my whole trunk. I am literally not a tiny person. There is no way you cannot see me. BUT, on a regular basis, white women and older white men try to act as though they don’t when we share space.
Nowhere is this more apparent than in my local Whole Foods store. Those aisles are tiny and everyone always seems to be in a rush. I have had people cut me off while walking, I have had CHILDREN block my way in an aisle while their parents look at them, notice me and casually look away as though their child isn’t potentially preventing my way from walking. You know what I do? Keep right on walking. Your child is a third of my height, it would behoove them to move out of my way. When a white woman or group of people are standing and talking but taking up all the space in an aisle I do not slow my pace, I say Excuse Me, loudly and barrel ahead. Many folks scurry. When I stand in line at a checkout counter, I do not let white people infringe on my personal space. If someone gets to close, cause they are trying to non-verbally push me out of their space, I turn, look them in the eye and say Excuse Me. But not in a “sorry to be in your way” tone. I say Excuse me in a “realize you are in my space” tone. I say it in a “you have infringed on my bubble, you are being rude, you are not welcome to colonize my area” tone. It typically gets the message across. If need be, I do not hesitate to ask someone not to stand so close to me or say “excuse you”.
I say this not because I fly through stores and shops and streets with abandon. I don’t. I ALWAYS am aware of the elderly and I always make it a point to yield to other black folks, and poc. I smile, I am profuse with my excuse me’s and I do it on purpose because we need that extra warmth and consideration.
At the end of the day I refuse to give space to people who refuse to acknowledge mine. Once I started paying attention it was fascinating to see who would and would not acknowledge me. Now, I do not ask for my space. I take it, I use my attitude to help others and I dare anyone trying to deny me or step to me, because there will be a conversation. It feels great. It feels like I am giving myself the love, consideration and accommodation that I deserve as a human being. Thank you for writing this piece. It is worth so much.
Thank you! Thank you! YES. You have articulated what I am always feeling as I move about the world of experts on human trafficking and crimes against persons. I am expected to be PC, expected not to speak the truth for fear of being disruptive, and expected to move out of the way of my white counterparts who have somehow taken over the sidewalk everywhere and in every space! Black women especially are expected to acquiesce to the privileges of white America because they say so. We are constantly challenged for our facts, thoughts, opinions and mere presence. My Nana used to say “I’m a little piece of leather well put together and every inch of this ground that I stand on I cover”, so no I don’t move unless and when I feel like it and I make no apologies.
So true. I find (and maybe I am bias because I am a Black woman) but I find Black women deal with this constantly. Even my daughter who is only 22 deals with it on her college campus and she made a choice she is just not moving off the sidewalk when she walks around campus. It’s like it is everywhere and we have to deal with it or be the Angry Black Woman. Why do I have to be angry for holding my space? Your Nana’s quote is perfect! Stand in your authority!!
This is so timely! I literally made a goal to do this last week and was trying to explain it to my mom but you did a much better job! As a black woman, I definitely notice that I shrink myself in public spaces to accommodate for others, and I’m tired of it! So I tried this experiment for a few days and it felt so empowering. When walking in the airport, I was walking on the right side and a white male was walking in my path. As we approached, I decided that I wasn’t going to move around and just stopped in front of him, and he moved around. It’s crazy how the concept of such a little thing, like owning my space, can make such a huge impact. Thank you for speaking up and doing so in a beautiful manner.
Thank you so much, Tayler. I loved that you shared your experiment. Once you start doing it, its very empowering! And once you really take notice of how often you are shrinking yourself, its like, “Hold up. Why am I doing that?” I did it ALL the time! Not anymore. Nope. Those days are over! I am here!
Wow so I read this immediately after seeing the title, I am definitely guilty of this, I have had too many instances, I’ve had a white man practically sit on me even though there was more than enough space on the bench but lately I have been approaching them, I was at a club for instance and where me and my friend who was also black were talking, three white boys stand literally in front of us and talk so I tapped them I said hey can you move cuz we were already right here and they did even if I’m getting bumped I usually say hey just wanted to let you know a person was standing here and they look shocked and then they move around. But I definitely do see it as a power thing for them and that is why I have been more vocal about it cuz it’s like that old hymnal I shall not be moved. sick and tired of it and some people mainly white people need to realize they are not the only ones here in the world.
Are you sure Frederick T Douglas or Frederick T Joseph? I get the rest and completely agree. I’m a Mississippi lady, my Dad taught me to look them square in eye and never accommodate them. Got that lesson at 3 when I dropped my head and moved off the side walk for one. My Dad went crazy and put me back in my spot. The white man watched then he moved out my way. I’ve been strutting ever since.
I have no clue why that even corrected like that. So odd. I didn’t even think about that. THANK YOU!!! You know how you look at something and don’t even see it after reading it a million times? Lord today.
Anyways, I have gotten so many messages from people that told me their parents taught them this and that is great. Your Dad taught you an invaluable lesson especially in Mississippi. STRUT YOUR STUFF!!!
I have noticed this a few times. Most recently, a black woman and myself a white woman, were crossing the street at a busy cross walk going opposite directions. Before I reached corner of the street she stopped, as to let me go past. I then stopped, and stepped over because, to communicate with my body language, that this is just as much her space, being aware of these things can open your eyes to aspects of white priveledge where a simple gesture of sharing space and overall politeness can go a long way. Thanks for shedding light on this, great article!
Thank you for this article! It is so true and I never thought about it. Being in the south, we tend to just chop it up to manners but you are absolutely correct in it usually being the POC being the ‘polite’ ones. I am taking on your challenge. I am going to stand my ground!
I completely agree here! This happened on my college campus every single day after every songle class! I thought it was only me feeling self-conscious, but I discussed this with friends and they all agreed that it happens to them and to not move for them!
When Im in Target, the mall, or grocery store I don’t move. If they dont say excuse me or go the other way I DONT MOVE. Even if there is NOTHING on the aisle I need (petty) I stay longer than I need. They are going to learn or either wait or go another way. I really hate at grocery stores how closely they get to you whike you’re swiping your card or digging for cash in your purse. So now I ask can you back up please. I don’t know you & you are in my personal space. I should start calling the managet or the police because I am being “harrassed” – lol. “YOU GONE LEARN TODAY”
Wow. Yeah, you are petty – at least you admit it. I always move out of the way if I realize someone is trying to get by. Always. They don’t need to say excuse me for me to do it. I’ve always been hyper aware of not taking up more space than I am entitled to in this world. You, however, are bound and determined to make some total stranger pay a price for something some other total stranger may have done to you at another time. Crowding at a cash register is a different thing altogether. But purposely blocking an entire aisle where there should be plenty of space if someone doesn’t park their cart and stand right in the center is an asshole action no matter who does it or to whom they do it.
Hey, HJ–
After (maybe) reading all of these heartfelt responses to a courageous BLACK WOMAN’S blog piece about BLACK people’s right to take a political stand (by pushing back against historically encroached-upon personal and social and emotional space)–you persist on insisting on making this ALL ABOUT YOU and holding on to your ENTITLEMENT by referring to yourself as the better person: “hyper aware of not taking up more space than I am entitled to in this world.” And shirking responsibility. And deflecting. And calling names. Congratulations. Now please take your seat.
Good Lord, HJ! You just did it. You might be hyper-aware in physical space, but you just blundered through the room here like an obtuse bull. You’ve given a good example of how people blunder through virtual space with little awareness of their affects on people.
I can recall two recent encounters…one at an ikea customer service counter where customers are served after taking a number. Another customer who missed his number approached the window where my number was called to because his number was right before mine. The Hispanic clerk tried to tell me that the white man had the right to be served first because his number came before mine. I pointed out that his missed number was called at another window and that MY number was showing at the window where we were standing. The white customer absolutely refused to move, but I stood my ground and suggested that he be helped after I’ve completed my transaction or get another number. The man fumed and another employee (of color) rushed out to help the man smh. So while I got what was justly due to me, this man succeeded in making other customers wait because the supervisor allowed him to jump in front of someone else. The other time was at my community pool. My boyfriend, who is in a wheelchair, was allowed by lifeguards to soak in the lap lane which was near steps, not being used and away from the crowd of children playing. A white couple came and wanted to swim laps. Not a problem except they wanted me to move even thought there was plenty of room for us to bathe and them to swim. The couple was obviously annoyed and I heard them say, ok great; here comes the lifeguard. They expected the lifeguard to move us, but of course he didn’t. They ended up leaving the pool after comments were made about folks who can’t speak English, etc. Small victories, but since I know the three people involved in these scenarios were highly upset, they were huge victories for me. I can’t let anyone push me around. I can’t be going home feeling beat up by the world and I have to set an example for my children.
I thought I was paranoid thanks for the article, I am not paranoid.
So I shared this on my FB wall a reply I got:
“Steve Brown I’m getting a bit bored with people seizing on one incident as an example of a cultural norm. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been blocked – on sidewalks, streets, in store aisles, and in the airport – by people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and nationalities.
It’s also not a “white world.” That’s an American-centric view of the world. Go to China and tell them they’re being run by white men. Or the Middle East. Or Africa. Or Asia. It’s as if we are imposing our PC view of things on the rest of the world, showing our gross ignorance in the process.”
This… how do I respond to this.
From the rate this was shared, the historical context and the many incidents I didn’t add to this blog, this is an issue. It is not a one time incident. I would ask Steve to take himself out of the center and see if it is possible to be open to hearing the voices that are speaking and sharing their thoughts. It’s not about Steve. Collectively this is an issue. We don’t need to play word games with The phrase White World. Steve can comprehend what that means. What Steve is doing is attempting to make it about that instead of the overall issue. I think the average person understands what I mean when I use the phrase White World or even White Spaces. So he can be stuck on that and that’s fine. Some people just will never understand. Or he can open his mind and grow. You have done your job sharing the blog and the information. Now it is his job to take what he can from it. If it is nothing so be it. Something tells me just from what you posted, nothing you post would satisfy him.
Imari: “Steve Brown” seems to be pretty experienced at deflecting an argument by and about POCs by transporting it into his own personal, privileged space. I’d just tell him to sit down or go away.
This piece right here…sigh!!!! Thank you for putting words to this daily experience that I’ve learned how to navigate after moving from Chicago to Lake County, IL. I’ve finally learned how to “hold my space” in a predominantly white space. Just this week, I was reminded by my two year old that it is essential for me to use my courage when I have the mental energy to do so. We were at a local playground, and two White women allowed their sons who were at least 8 years old to dominate the space by playing hide-and-go-seek inside the tube slides. My son had been sliding down this particular sliding board before they arrived, and these children demonstrated no regard for my toddler as they ran up and down the stairs of the slide and attempted to slide down while he was already in the slide, and blocked him from sliding, while they hid inside. These moms stood by and watched this continued behavior as their sons totally ignored the mothers’ calls to them to “slow down” and “watch it.” When the mothers’ feeble attempts to control their sons failed, I attempted to take my son to different area of the playground, but my son quickly reminded me to hold the space, as he cried, “No! Mommy, I want that slide.” I snapped back and walked him up the stairs each time telling the boys to move out of his way when they attempted to dominate. At one point, I had to physically prevent one of the kids from sliding down while my son was still in the sliding board. All the while these White women just stood and watched with out addressing their sons or me. We left the playground when my son was ready to go.
Thank you for the insights you shared in this article. An important issue to raise to scrutiny.
Friendly proofreading note: first sentence below the screenshots has a typo I think: “excepted” instead of “expected”…just FYI 🙂 Thanks again.
All of this is perfect! Keep your space unapologetically! I love it! When someone says white privilege does not exist, read this article!
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like as a black woman, I’m constantly aware of the space I’m taking up in most places, but I’m learning everyday to take control of my space. I faced this issue recently at the airport coming back from a trip. I was tired, hungry, and just ready to go home. I had just picked up some food in a restaurant and was navigating my way out of the place with my suitcase dragging behind me, when this Asian man with NO luggage started to make his way inside. They had boxes stacked up along one side and a bar on the other so the entry was tight. We looked right at each other, so I know he saw me carrying all my stuff and yet he tried to push through anyway as I was exiting through the cramped space. Even if I wanted to cede my space there was nowhere for me to go, so I pushed through as well. He crashed into the boxes and got upset but I kept it moving. I was so frustrated that he couldn’t wait for a few seconds for me to exit. He actually thought that I was going to throw myself up against the bar with all my stuff, just so he could pass. I was also frustrated with myself, because even though I held my space I felt bad about the situation like I should have moved for this able bodied man.
I was a beast during Saturday errand running. What I noticed was a definitive “game face” of white women walking towards me. I’m from Detroit, and give it back real good. 🙂 I came home to reflect and am loving all the thoughtful comments on the thread. #ForTheCulture
This is everything! I am a professor at a predominately White institution and I see this daily on my commute to class and throughout the halls of “The Academia”. I recently started informing students to tell their friends “if they walk in my space, which is always to the Right, I am going to give them a hug”. The original reason was because millenials have a tendency to walk and text but I realized the connection to white spaces especially following 45s election.
Another example to add to the conversation is the feeling that Black people have to be quieter in White spaces. I was out with colleagues celebrating successful completing of a friends dissertation. At a table with five PhDs… we were as excited for the student as fans who attend a weekend football game but instead our celebration was at a Red Lobster at 2 pm. The faces of the people who wanted us to pipe down were priceless. We of course had a great time and took our time. #RedLobsterisnot5stars. #Carribean #Nigerian #southern #nootherway
Thank you for sharing this. I had no idea this was happening. How could I because I can’t experience it as a white woman. I have had a few similar experiences ( mostly from men). Not a lot, but just enough to have a taste of how demeaning and soul crushing it feels. I cannot imagine experiencing it with regularity! I am sorry that this is the experience that POC are having. I am thankful to be aware of it. I will be monitoring my own behavior to make sure that I am not participating in this. And I will work to be aware when it is happening around me and I pray for the wisdom and courage to take a stand with you and for you. Please keep standing your ground!
Hi Amy, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
Thanks for giving voice to what I’ve had to endured all too often. The stores that I shop at are located
in a predominately white neighborhood. When I’m in the store instead of saying “excuse me” there has been numerous times when they will reach across me for something on a shelf. One time while in Walmart this white woman flinging her arms all in the air screaming that if I was looking at something on the other the shelf I need to just move. Like simply because she was here now I was supposed to immediately move out of her way! She was extremely angry as if I had did something to her personally. I’ve seen scenarios played out like this with the privileged/aggressive white person and then you say something back & all of a sudden their the victim. I promised myself that day I would never again be made to feel as I have to apologize for my presence or existence & taking up space. I was cognizant to take control of my space the other day. My girls and I was grocery shopping & a white woman (w/maybe 5 or 6 items) in line behind me asked if I would mind if she cut in front of me. As she was walking towards me to get in front of me. I said Yes I did mind. She says Ohh you do mind!! I was surprised that she was surprised.. oh I was supposed to let her cut in front of me because she was white. Nope!!! Because there’s four shelf checkouts & two15 items or less checkouts. Go Find Them! I realized that I was becoming aware of the microagreession & macroagression coming from WPOP. I’ve noticed that my being a confident Naturalista is extremely intimidating to WPOP. I’m not subscribing to Europeans standards of beauty and doing it unapologetically everyday. Now whenever I go outside I look them in the eye & I don’t budge on my side of the sidewalk. This was a “you must’ve read my mind” kinda article. Thanks again!
I am so sorry for this. Ugh. Fuck. As a whitey, I am sorry. This is unacceptable, and I’ve witnessed it but never really figured out how to call it out.
Very well put. I stopped this behavior years ago when I started to become conscious. Living in NY the city is already packed with people from all walks of life. And in my observation most will be courteous and try not take up or infringe on others but unfortunately there’s that entitled group and it is displayed in many ways. This just happened recently. I was at my workplace with my rolling tool bag waiting for the elevator where there are 4 on either side. The call button is between the first and second elevator where I stood a white woman comes and stand at the farther end. Finally the last elevator arrives closest to her and she gets in as I walk toward to board also. As I get in front the doors begin to close as she leans at the back wall and made no attempt to hold the door for me. I swipe my arm from top to bottom to open the door as it did. She says or makes no move. I turn and see that she’s going to the top floor as I am going to the second floor. I proceed to press all the odd floor buttons and get off at my floor while looking her in her face to see her annoyed.
Thank you for this excellent analysis. As a WW and a teacher, I feel like I have been aware of just the tip of the iceberg of the way body space and entitlement work in my classroom and in the high school hallways.
While I don’t want to expect People of Color to school me on all issues regarding race, I am grateful for this education, and I will carry it with reverence and intention.
Thank you, Beth for reading and for your comments. As a teacher please be aware of how this manifests in the hallways and the classrooms. Many kids are unintentionally taught this by their parents. I am a grown woman and it is taxing for me to think about my body and how it navigates spaces so I know young people with all they have going on and this as yet another layer is draining. All people, especially young people, just feel free to just be.
Thanks for that addition. I hear you and my other friends who experience this so directly talk about how exhausting it is. I want to be more aware of how exhausting it is for my students of color in the halls and classrooms. I want to be careful to to use the term trauma incorrectly, but there’s an aggregate affect here that I think must correlate to traumatic experiences, the constancy of it, and the denial of it. That’s going to affect their sense of presence in the classroom.
I love your last sentence here: “All people, especially young people, just feel free to just be.” This is what I long for for my students. I will take your pledge, but carry it into the school year, and not just the next few days.
Hi Beth, With due honor I was on here reading military posts, when I saw your inspirational posts blog, it has impacted my life, can we talk privately? This my email: phillipwintercooper@gmail.com
I live in the deep south so I am VERY aware of my space, white people expect us to move which is why I don’t and I have raised my kids not to move as well. I will run you over before I move out of the way.
I hear you!! Some states, I believe are much worse than others, like they haven’t gotten the memo that Black people don’t need to jump off the sidewalk to accommodate White people anymore. I am glad that you hold your space! Well done!
This is fascinating! I’ve never thought about this before! As a white woman, I feel i’m just constantly curious about the world around me so i’m looking around at all the sights and then i bump into things/people unintentionally sometimes. Although that usually results in a conversation for me. Now I am super curious and I need to try this for the next few days to see what happens!
I would be so curious to hear what you noticed over the last few days. Please come back and share!
Thank you so much for writing this. I accept the challenge of not ceding my space to a white person as a queer person of color. I was just at a candy shop buying some sweets with my husband and a white woman literally pushed into me with her large handbag and didn’t say sorry. The other white woman at the cashier proceeded to start a conversation with her and her husband about the beautiful weather we were having and asked what they bought at Michael Kors. I was pissed because it felt like a complete invalidation but didn’t say anything about it. After reading your blog, I began to realize the emotional labor that accumulates when I don’t say anything about my space being taken up by white people.
It was an invalidation of you. You are standing right there and I know how that feels in shops. I was in a trendy shop once and it happened to me. I didn’t buy anything. If you overlook me and go to the next customer in line you must not want my money. And yes, when you don’t say anything it is draining. It bothers you. It eats at you because you know what is happening. I understand sometimes we are just tired when everyday seems to be a struggle and we may let some things just go but overall, nope! Do Not Move Off The Sidewalk, so to speak. You are there and you should be there and waited on accordingly!
Thank you for writing this article. I also live in the south and became aware of my space about a year ago. Recently I was in a white “liberal” area in San Francisco. I was shopping in the clearance section when a younger white woman came up behind me. For some reason I noticed my first instinct was to move and cede my clearance scavenger hunt space to her. Then I realized heck no she needs to wait until I get finished finding my bargains. As I was I continued looking I could hear her sigh and tap her feet which made me go even slower. Finally, she got the hint and moved on. We do not need to cede our space!
Isn’t it funny how that is the first instinct? We don’t want to inconvenience them never once considering how we inconvenience ourselves. I am glad you held your space and hope you got some great bargains!
Thank you for your blog post. I (a brown hijabi) never realized that I subconsciously move over for whites all the time until I read this. We had an experience like this a few weeks ago. My 3 year old sons were sitting on the steps at the pool waiting for their swim lesson to start, when a larger white woman plows right into them to go down the stairs. She didn’t say excuse me, just expected them to move out her way. There were other stairs she could have used, or even used the other railing on the same steps. The steps were wide and my kids are tiny and were only taking up a tiny part of it. The worst part was that I made my kids move. In retrospect I wish that I stood up for them and told the lady she needs to walk around them.
Thank you for reading, Nazia. I just wrote a comment that this is something we teach our children without even knowing it but the good part about it is, if we taught them that, we can teach them to hold their space. When you said, “in retrospect you wish you stood up for them,” I was sad. Many of us have done it so don’t feel bad. We do it because we learned it. But the beauty of life is you have a chance to teach them something else. The woman was wrong. It would have hurt NO ONE for her to say, excuse me, can I get by. So simple. However, today is a new day and today and on out, we are standing in our authority not just for us but for our children as well. ❤️
Things like this irk me so much, especially men. I started doing “I will not cede my space” a couple of years ago. I was living in Chinatown, Queens NYC. The culture there is something else. Being the only black woman in that space at times I wondered if I was invisible. The moment I started standing my ground things got better.
Good for you, Summer!! I understand how it feels to feel invisible and it is not a good feeling. Once you start walking in your authority though, things start to change, as you said. I am glad you are determined that people will see you! Because you are here! Hold your space!