Dear White Allies, Stop Dangling Allyship in The Face Of Black People Like A Carrot

As someone that spends their life trying to improve the landscape of our humanity, I am always delighted when someone approaches me and tells me that they are an ally. If we desire for this world to be a better place, we will get there much faster if we realize that we can accomplish much more working together than apart. In fact, I am always baffled by people that exist in horrendous conditions that cannot see that it is not us that should be fighting one another, but in fact, our fight should be with the few that seek to keep their power and position by dividing the many.

After the election of Donald Trump, many White people stepped into the arena with Black activists ready to fight, and we welcome them. However, please know, resisting is nothing new for Black people. While you may have had the luxury of enjoying your cucumber sandwiches, afternoon rosé , and hot yoga classes never once bothered by the injustice all around you until November 2016, this is something that many of us live and breathe daily.

So it is beyond irritating to see a White person that claims to be an ally come online and tell a Black person they may be isolating potential allies when we speak our truth.

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When I saw this happen to April Reign, I knew I would have to address this issue because the same thing has happened to me numerous times regarding my blog as if I am sitting at home before I type thinking, “Let me water down the truth so that I do not upset a White person.” Trust me, that thought never enters my mind. I am not concerned with your feelings being hurt. I am concerned with the truth. If the truth offends you, I suggest you get thicker skin or bypass my writing. I will never change my message to win over White people. That will not happen today, tomorrow or ever. The truth is simply the truth. 

After I made my comments on Twitter, I realized that I was incorrect in my statement. I said she doesn’t get the luxury of dangling being an ally in the face of Black people like it’s a carrot, but in fact, she does have that luxury. As a White person, she gets the luxury of deciding if she is going to fight for justice. White people get the luxury of weekend protesting as a hobby because protesting is the “in” thing to do. White people get the luxury of reposting tweets and hashtags without doing any of the groundwork. White people get the luxury of serving on panels about diversity and inclusivity, teaching racial bias training, writing the commentaries and being the face and voice of movements they never created or laid the groundwork for. White people get the luxury of going on TV regurgitating talking points Black people have already made on social media for years, yet when they say it, it’s celebrated as outstanding wisdom. White people get to decide, “I’ve had enough of this, and I’m tired. I don’t want to do this today.” White people get to say, “My feelings were hurt over a tweet, so I am done fighting for justice. I will just go back to my life of convenience.”


That is the difference between us. Black people do not have that luxury. We don’t have the convenience of quitting because someone tweeted something that made us uncomfortable. Our very breath is connected to us fighting. And you have the unmitigated gall to believe, that before we tweet, we are thinking about not offending White people because they may decide not to be an ally. Newsflash, if your loyalty of standing with Black people can bend like a blade of grass in the wind due to a tweet or blog that discusses the TRUTH, you were never standing with us to begin with.

Many allies became allies on November 9, 2016, when they woke up Wednesday morning and realized, “Oh Trump meant me too.” Then suddenly you realized it was time to fight. But before you get to that part, you need to pause, look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about how we got here. Let me be clear, if you call yourself an ally, you don’t get to skip over history and the truth to the ally part. You don’t get to treat justice like a buffet, casually putting what you want to eat on your plate and bypassing what doesn’t look or taste good to you.  Like, “Oh I will just get some of the catchy slogans on posters for Instagram pics and one of those pink hats and just hold the Jim Crow and police brutality information.” That is not how it works. You need to face some difficult and potentially painful truths, and if you are not ready to do that, you are not prepared to be an ally. Because you are not anchored in anything, but your emotions and emotions waver.

Scrolling through my Twitter feed today I encountered this tweet that has been reposted numerous times.


While I understand what they are trying to say, they have tried and failed. This is racial justice Twitter theatrics. As a Black woman do you think I feel good because a White, privileged, straight, woman is tweeting, she is Black? Do you think that does something for anyone in these groups? And then the post says, UNTIL this Thing meaning  Trump is out of office, they are “these people.” So what happens after that? What happens after being part of the resistance isn’t cool? What happens when you are asked to sacrifice? What happens when your friends don’t want to invite you to dinner anymore because of your stance on race? What happens when you read a tweet that challenges you and your feelings are hurt? Then what?

Emotion alone cannot drive allyship. When you are fighting for justice, your feelings will waver. There will be good days, bad days, and days that you feel like throwing in the towel. I can guarantee you that you are going to read something about White people that offends you. If you don’t believe me, keep reading through this blog. If you are not anchored in something more profound than your feelings you will threaten to quit. You will treat being an ally like you are dangling a carrot in front of the faces of Black people and if someone posts something you do not like, you can just take your allyship away. If you being an ally is rooted in always feeling good, by all means, do not call yourself an ally of mine. If being an ally is rooted in always reading things that make you want to cuddle up with a cup of hot chocolate, this might not be the role for you. If being an ally means coming on Twitter and telling a Black woman that she might not want to speak her truth because that can isolate potential allies, please do not consider yourself an ally.

In the fight for justice, we do not need fairweather allies, allies that are only loyal on the sunny days. Our struggle is rooted in our very survival. This fight is more significant than a tweet or a blog post or your hurt feelings.

Please do not act like you are doing Black people a favor by standing on the side of righteousness. We are glad that you are here but you are not doing us a favor by doing the RIGHT thing. You should be satisfied doing the RIGHT THING because you SHOULD do the right thing. Be satisfied that you are working to make this world a better place not just for Black people but ALL people and that in itself, should be enough! And if that means you have to be a little uncomfortable for the sake of humanity then so be it! Believe me, Black people have uncomfortable for a very long time. 

15 replies »

  1. Amen to all of this, Hannah. I don’t have social media exchanges with people so this word “ally” is useless to me. Real allies don’t need to stamp it on their foreheads or via twitter poems. Until y’all white chics can be Trayvon, Michael Brown, Sandra Bland (& no, Kate Spade doesn’t count here) & EVERY OTHER BLACK PERSON SUFFERING DAILY INJUSTICE then shut the fuck up & do the work…which historically y’all ONLY do for yourselves, or FORCE black folk to do FOR YOU.

    When WHITE WOMEN GOT THE VOTE, did they fight for BLACK WOMEN to get the vote at the same time? Uh, no.

    Yeah…allies. They are nothing more than unpaid spies to go report the revolutionary topics we write about. We really don’t “need” anything from you white chics that you aren’t freely giving up, whether it be “ally-ship” or your frail-ass SILENT voices. We don’t need your pink pussy hats & selfies of you looking like grown-up ass little girls next to REAL PROTESTERS sucking lollypops, because we are not NEW to this, we are TRUE to this.

    Enjoy your “comfortable” lives…until YOUR CHILDREN get snatched away from you by your fellow white folk–not by us black folk, we don’t want your disrespectful heathens cussing us out at the grocery store like they do to you, white PTA & Sunday School moms.

  2. Reblogged this on explorations in the divine feminine and commented:
    She calls out someone who basically said they are an ally UNTIL Trump is gone. That is not enough. Trump helped sh*t rise to the surface for all to see. But, he is not its source. If you allyship is only focused on 2018 and 2020, you are missing the point.

  3. Why would I want to forfeit my own privilege? Why would I work to my detriment for your benefit if you’re not even going to recognize my contributions to your cause? You’re on your own, lady.

    • That’s how most people think only until they realize chickens come home to roost. Just keep on living. Also, if you are working for recognition I suggest you stay right where you are at. You aren’t needed with that attitude. Good day.

    • Who are you calling lady with your condescending nose up in the air. I bet you take 60 seconds to drop your “contribution” into the offering plate because you want to make sure people see that you “care”
      (Enough to get a pat on the back and a “you’re such a good person” validation).

      The question “why would I work to my detriment for your benefit if you’re not going to recognize my contributions to your cause?” reveals such a heavy arrogance that I literally get sick to my stomach just thinking that you feel good about yourself at the end of the day.

      Survival is not a “cause” it is a human right! But it’s not that deep to you is it? It’s just your costume jewelry that you’re trying to lay down at the feet of Jesus thinking he won’t know the difference when you lay it at his feet when you rest. Damn you’re going to be mortified when brown Jesus laughs at your trying to pass them off.


  4. I am glad I found your blog. I am an old privileged white woman who knows without doubt that I have thrived because of unearned white privilege. I have called it luck. I have at times deluded myself into believing that it was my own merit. I have needed to be called out for being the “feminist white woman,” the sunshine ally, someone who could put my activism away when I wanted to and someone who admits that my understanding has grown because of the pain of the recent election. It has taken me a long time to understand that my enjoyment of privilege has actually been at the expense of my brothers and sisters around the world and that my carbon footprint is grossly stepping on others. It is not benign – my privilege has cost others and I have to work constantly to fully grasp that fact. And knowing the truth means that I am now responsible for the system that exists, I have helped to create the system, I have perpetuated the situation, and I cannot hide from my guilt. I need you more than you need you me, for I want to try to save my humanity. I am beginning to understand – but I need teachers and I need for people like you to help me see – I have been, and still am, blind to so much. There were times when I did feel angry that no one seemed to recognize how much I have learned to care and how much my perspective has changed. But that anger has been replaced by fear of losing my privilege, guilt at the growing realization that I will probably never really understand, and it is humbling to know that I have much to learn to before I will become an ally who is worth having – before I can become the person I hope someday to learn to be. And I very much hope to learn more as I read here.

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