I am going to present this conversation as much as I can in its entirety, periodically drop in commentary and then follow up.
This is what I wrote in response to Amy Siskind’s tweet (who I follow and love reading) about Trump supporting Roy Moore who is an “alleged” yeah the fuck right alleged my ass, pedophile. I was not surprised by Trump’s support because Trump is gonna Trump all day. However, I could not sit by and watch White women act surprised by his actions when indeed Trump has not wavered from who he really is as a person. He has shown his true colors time and time again yet for some reason people want to continue to believe that he will somehow be different. I took this time to remind Twitter, because I and many others will NEVER forget, as we are stockpiling can food and water waiting for all hell to break loose, that White women supported and voted for Trump. That one sentence opened up a flood of “not all”. Listen, I understand why people want to say “not all” as if that removes them from “those” people. They feel better about themselves when they do not have to look at the totality of their race and wonder how the very people they call family, sit on the PTA with, invite into their homes for tea and cucumber sandwiches could vote for Trump. Acknowledging that fact forces them to look at themselves, to call into question their friends and family and doesn’t make it easy to sleep at night. I get it. I understand fully why the “Not All” brigade comes stampeding when the fact is stated that White women voted for Trump. However, like it or not, those are simply the facts. White women voted for Donald Trump and are part of the reason that he is in office. Period.
Angela Peoples holding sign (Kevin Banatte)
Now here comes the conversation that I would like to highlight because it shows how NOT to do Feminism and Intersectionality if we want a shot at working together and making this world a better place.
Enter Veronica & Gina in response to my tweet.
Veronica went on to agree with Gina comments and addressed me about being divisive but NEVER said one word to Gina, about calling me disgraceful and a bigot. Not ONE time did I say anything that was divisive. Facts are not divisive. They are facts. However, calling someone disgraceful, a bigot and an angry Black woman IS divisive. However, you see how Veronica NEVER once said a word about that? She doesn’t perceive Gina as the problem, she perceives ME as the problem.
Gina continues…
When I said “I never never said you didn’t”, I’m responding to when she said she voted for Hillary.
So let me get this straight. I am disgraceful, a bigot, ignorant and she has made assumptions about who I voted for because I stated a fact. Okay. Let’s keep going with this feminism and intersectionality. Those are the buzzwords now, right?
It gets better. Keep reading. Now I was done for the night and went to bed. I said what I said and facts are facts. This morning my daughter woke up at 6 am to take our sick dog to the vet. She wanted to be there early because it gets full fast and then you have to wait for hours. Because she didn’t know where she was going, I said I would drive her and while waiting I checked my Twitter. However, Gina thinks she is SO important in my life that I stayed up ALL night to talk to her because of course my world centers around her. In fact, my world was focused on my dog. (My dog got medicine and should be fine in a few days.) However, because Gina is SO important in my life and of course is one of the “good”feminist resisting, this is the comment I woke up to. (So it was not ME that was up through the night it was HER. But she cannot see that. She is blind to her own actions. You can see the time stamps. She was up over 11 hours ago responding to me. I was sleeping. Once again, blind)
This conversation continues and you can go to my twitter @hannahdrake628 to see the entire conversation because she continues to respond and the screenshots are endless but I believe as a reader you get the point. To top this conversation off, Gina hit me with the “I am part of the resistance Draw 4 card” the inevitable, “My Best Friend is Black” and doubled down with, “I am raising my child to be ‘color-blind'”.
Now, I know many of you reading this will wonder, why even engage with someone like this who calls you names and talks down to you? Typically I do not. However, this time I wanted people to SEE that these are the same women that BELIEVE they have NOTHING in common with the White women that voted for Trump. These are the same women that believe they are not a part of the problem. Not ONE time did I speak to her in an angry manner yet she called me an angry Black woman, a hypocrite, a bigot, disgraceful, angry and old, ignorant, told me she had the RIGHT to tell me anything she wanted and then posted a meme that said, “Deal With It.” and to top it off called Black people lazy. But THIS is a woman with her “resistance”, “feminism” and “intersectionality” that I am supposed to connect with? How?
This is my PROBLEM WITH WHITE FEMINISM! It is feminism until you tell White women like Gina something they do not want to hear and cannot reconcile and then you are the “Angry Black Woman.”
Until women like Gina are willing to look in a mirror, we will continue to have the same problems. Women like Gina do not see themselves as part of the problem and they do not want to do the hard work and self reflection to change. Women like Gina believe they are perfectly fine. Women like Gina believe they are the “good people”. Women like Gina believe they are not like “those people”. When it fact they are just two sides of the very same coin. Truthfully, I would take a White woman that tells me to my face, “I just don’t like you because you are Black,” rather than have a million women around me like Gina, pretending to fight for causes that affect Women of Color, any day of the week. At the very least, I can respect a racist person’s honesty. I know where to put people like that. Women like Gina remain hidden in the shadows and it is those that lurk in the lukewarm shadows that are the problem.
UPDATE: Let me say, thank you to those that have read and shared this blog. I had no idea when I was posting on Twitter that this would become one of my most read blogs. I told Gina that I would post this conversation because as she was hurling racist insults at me as an “ally,” I saw a teachable moment, which she could not see. For me, that is what matters. I have been called names time and time again, and for the most part, they do not bother me because I understand once people go from facts to personal they have felt attacked. Gina felt personally attacked by the facts. This is obvious when she says her and all her friends that voted for Hillary are educated. No one claimed she wasn’t, so that is something internally she holding onto. And so that made it personal for her, and everything Gina ever felt about Black people came out. And I will allow her that. Her facade of resistance was lifted, and her real thoughts about Black women were exposed. However, after she was done calling me names, the fact remains that OF THE WOMEN THAT VOTED, White women voted for Donald Trump. Period.
I never called Gina a name, but Gina blocked me. Blocked the truth. Because when it comes to hearing the truth about these election results and trying to progress, who needs to listen to that?
However MANY White women stepped up and called Gina out on her comments. I applaud them! And not only that, they sent me screenshots of Gina continuing the conversation with me being blocked.
Her comments are a lie. Not one time did I say, “White women are the reason Trump won.” However, White women did play an integral part in Trump winning the election. That is a fact. She goes on to call me an “Ignorant woman.” (Love that intersectionality!) She also asserts that I “blame ALL White women for Trump.” I never said that either. What I said, I posted on this blog, and you can follow me on Twitter to see the entire conversation. Now it may not flow because she blocked me so I do not know if you can read the totality of the conversation, but my words are there. I have no reason to lie about what I said. I do not go to bed in sheets of guilt. I feel fine. Did I love Hillary? No. She had her issues.Did I vote for Hillary? YOU DAMN RIGHT I DID! I’M NOT STUPID! TRUMP IS TRUMP!
However, Gina and women like Gina are willing to LIE and post comments that will support their narrative. Gina and women like Gina surround themselves with people that support their LIES so they can sleep better at night. Tell me, since this is a White woman that claims she is part the resistance and on my side, how do I stand with a White woman like Gina that is willing to LIE to win an argument on Twitter? How do I stand with a woman that will block me from responding to her lies so that she can continue to tell her lies with no resistance? How do I stand with a woman like Gina that post comments on Twitter saying “this Black woman,” as if that is an insult to me for being Black? How do I stand with Gina and women like Gina that claims their best female friend is Black but in the same breath says, ” Every Black woman she knows stayed at home instead of voting” and tells me to get my lazy Black friends out to vote? Gina posts the hashtag #StillWithHer and never once sees me as a part of the “her.” Gina and women like Gina exist in their own world of White feminism. They know all the buzzwords to say and post online but when it comes to seeing that in action, I am just one of those “lazy Black people.”
It is obvious we still have a lot of work left to do. I thank the women that have stepped up and spoke out and reflected what being an ally honestly looks likes. Thank you. Gina and women like Gina, may not be able to hear me but perhaps working together, they can hear you.
Categories: Current Events, Politics, Race Relations, Thoughts, Musings and Reflections
Wow. Thanks for sharing this. I’m sorry my sisters and I still have so much work to do. Thank you for the work you put in.
No one should treat you that way. Gina and her friends won’t apologize, I’m sure, but I’m sorry and I feel embarrassed by her behavior.
All the best to you and your daughter and dog.
Thank you so much, Kathie. It was one of the most interesting exchanges I’ve had on Twitter. And no matter what I said she was determined to see us at odds with one another which I wasn’t at odds with her. All the names and all that is very surface level. That means nothing to me. What matters to me is that work together to fight injustice. However, she just wasn’t ready to hear anything that I said but I thought it turned out to be such a teachable moment for others.
And thank you again, my daughter is great and our dog, Cinnamon is doing just fine. I have two cats and a dog so its like a zoo here some days. 😊
I am reflecting at Gina’s defensiveness – and feel it tugging at me – from perspective of Ireland abortion referendum, specifically #hometovote #together4yes #farmers4yes.
These campaigns were positive, inspiring – and most of all: disarming, in a way that not responding respectfully (which happened a lot) did not help the other side.
Had it been my country, it would have been my stance most definitely to Repeal, but I was painfully aware that I would have to transcend my comfort to be as effective in influencing the debate. I would have easily poured out the “vinegar” of my conviction, rather than honey that might make someone opposed or unsure to peek out of their potholes. Maybe to open their minds.
If I had to try to influence these white women that helped Trump to power I’d probably feel impotent and anxious, even if it is true that due to our inherent confirmation biases I would still have a head start with this group of people because they perceive me alike.
One wants to surrender to sweet oblivion of being morally righteous, as opposed to effective, and not challenging our own socialisation and bias.
“White women” without qualification does not cut any slack though.
I understand Gina’s emotional reaction, because I feel it. I don’t understand her lashing out at you. Those are the facts. Their ugly and they are the reason women still don’t have an equal place at the table. Its a complete embarrassment. I’ve been disgusted with these facts for the last year. And I was disgusted again this morning when I saw how many white women voted for a pedophile. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m going to share it further.
Thank you for reading, Kimberly. I completely understood her emotional reaction. At least initially and while I wasn’t bothered by the names I wondered how did we go from “not all” to me being a bigot, Black people lazy and all the other stuff? The more rational I tried to be, the more names she called me and then blocked me and doubled down. LOL! I can’t! She couldn’t see that she was a part of the problem and I am sure she believes she is just fine. She’s part of “the resistance.”
What I LOVED about this is that White women challenged her as they read the exchange on Twitter. Clearly she wasn’t hearing me and what I had to say and no White women let her off the hook. They continued to try to make her see herself and that was intersectionality. So in her fake intersectionality, she allowed true intersectionality to be manifested.
You are amazing! I cannot express how your words have resonated with me and others on my Facebook timeline of all genders and races. As a Black woman, I am so grateful for your words, your poise, your humor. This blog is giving me life! You articulated everything I’m thinking but too emotional to say-you handled Gina with dignity and intelligence, though her racism was showing. Bravo, Hannah, bravo.
This white woman is so embarrassed…I know the numbers and they don’t lie, white women voted for dt and they voted for the pedophile in Alabama. You showed true class and patience with those two, and yes it is a teachable moment.
I won’t say that I don’t twinge when I hear the truth about white women, but I have also learned to ‘lean in’ when I am uncomfortable to see what I can learn, and then to share it with other white women one person at a time. I had a very interesting convo with an elderly neighbor who felt strongly about respecting the flag. As a Veteran myself, I had to tell her that while I appreciate respecting the flag, our constitution is what I put on a uniform to protect, not the flag. Until that applies equally to all citizens, I will be good with taking a knee. I know it gave her something to think about. I will keep taking every opportunity to educated my white sisters, in my attempts at doing intersectionality better than this example.
Thank you for sharing this exchange, and reminding me, and all of us, how much work is left to be done among white women when it comes to addressing, and eliminating, racism and white privilege. Gina’s use of her liberal perspectives as a shield, even justification, for her racism, white fragility, and sense of superiority was inexcusable. It couldn’t have been easy to address the assault. You did so with dignity, fairness and honesty. Like my friend, Krystal, whose comment precedes mine, I will take every opportunity to educate other white women regarding the racism and white privilege we are so often blind to in ourselves, and add that we need to just suck up the discomfort for awhile until we get it right.
Thank you, Kate. It’s so funny and I think it is my years of working at a church, that I do not get riled up when people say things online. I try to understand where their anger is coming from so I can use it for a teachable moment. Don’t get me wrong, I have “checked” a few people online but for the most part I am always curious why people say the things that they do. And Gina was very interesting to me as someone that claimed to be on “my side.” Gina could not see herself. And once she blocked me it showed me that she was not READY to see herself. In her mind, she had done all the “right” things. She had a Black best friend, she was a feminist, she voted for Hillary. What more did I want? LOL! And the more she kept talking the more her heart spoke. And that is what I want White people to see. AND THAT CAN BE AN UGLY CONVERSATION WITH YOURSELF. But her beliefs were in her heart no matter what she did. Women like Gina need to focus on themselves and their heart issues when it comes to race. Sadly, like I said, she blocked me so she probably is walking around today thinking she is just fine. And that is one of the reasons why this nation doesn’t progress.
PS. I’m glad your dog is OK!
And thank you. Little Cinnamon. Girl this dog! My daughter LOVES this dog like it is human and truth be told the dog has grown on me and I love her. She is so cute and lovable. She had a SERIOUS case of the fleas and we tried everything over the counter and NOTHING worked and I had enough and said take her to the VET! We went bright and early and they gave us ONE pill and it did the job. Thank GOD! So she is fine and on a mission to lick everyone that she knows. LOL! Thank you for mentioning her.
“Besides every black woman I know stayed home and didn’t bother to vote.” / “I voted for Hillary. While most black people stayed in bed that day because it wasn’t Obama.”
What the hell? So much for being a liberal, educated white woman; that’s something that old man at the gas station in the middle of nowhere would say while chewing on tobacco and reminiscing about the good old days, when gas was 25¢ a gallon and people knew their place in society. (Of course, he’d leave off the voting for Hillary bit.)
For me? Every black woman I know voted, while a lot white women stayed home and complained there was nothing they could do, that Trump was going to win regardless, so what was the point?
Hannah, I loved reading this, sister! Keep up the good work, speaking truth & exposing lies. Keep your “full armor” on! Your writing has inspired me to share the “white folk playbook”. Be encouraged & blessed!
Thank you for this post. I love your blog and this post shocked me.
Name calling?
“I have black friend.”
How often have we heard, “I have a black friend (insert divisive comment that is condoned by said imaginary black friend)”? I never knew how to respond until one day in law school, some idiot said “I have a black friend, he doesn’t think race matters anymore.” Without missing a beat, a woman of color chimed in and said, “I have a white friend…” She couldn’t even finish because we all started laughing. Then she said, “If my white friend can’t talk for all white people. If my white friend doesn’t give me immediate credibility, neither does you black friend.” That’s how I respond every time I hear “I have a black friend…”