Recently, it seems every media outlet is attempting to find any Black person other than the Embarrassment to Black People Trifecta, Ben Carson, Omarosa and Sheriff Clarke to speak up for Donald Trump in the wake of him cozying up to
people just like him Neo-Nazis, the KKK, and White Supremacists. It almost seems unreal considering everything Trump has stood for that anyone that is Black could actually continue to support him. They act as if they have been doused in magical Negro racist repellent shea butter oil sheen and the hate and vitriol that is spewed from lips of White supremacists will somehow ricochet off their melanin, and they will not be affected. Indeed, we know that this is wrong.
What is striking to me is just like I cannot tell the difference between tiki torch yielding racists and Donald Trump due to their “we-hate-Blacks-Jews-Muslims-small dogs-and babies”-, polo shirt and khaki pants uniforms, it’s hard for me to tell the difference between Black people against Trump and Black people for Trump.
(On a side note I wonder when the Tiki Torch Posse went to buy their Abercrombie & Fitch uniforms what did they say, “I will take the polo shirt in a shade of White is superior in my delusional mind and a pair of khakis in a shade of I hate anyone that is this shade of tan and beyond?”)
You can never be too safe in this charged climate so from this point on ANY Black person that wants to friend me online must FIRST take and PASS the following test. I have included Black Crib Notes to assist you.
WHEN BLACK PEOPLE GO ROGUE QUIZ
1. What’s that number one _____________ sign?!
Black Crib Note: Phrase made popular by Luke that women love to hear on their birthdays. A phrase that can get women in their 40’s to start twerking, reliving college parties, egged on by a hype woman sipping Crown Royal and Coke.
2. I got ______________ on it!
Black Crib Note: A monetary amount that you are willing to donate to the group to smoke marijuana.
3. “What ya’ll going?” “We got board.” “We going 10 on ‘em!” “Run a Boston!” “Quit talking across the board!” What game is being played when you hear these phrases? __________________
Black Crib Note: A game played at many Black family reunions that causes many fist fights and your cousin cussing under his breath at your grandma for reneging.
4. Finish this statement. I got ____________, _____________, potatoes, tomatoes! YOU NAME IT!
Black Crib Note: Phrase from Shirley Caesar hit gospel song, Hold My Mule, remixed by Suede the Remix God that made Black people laugh thinking about good old fashion homecooked food at Big Mama’s.
5. God is good, all the time and all the time, ___________ __________ ____________.
Black Crib Note: Standard Black Baptist Phrase that must be said EVEN when you are going through hell and just drove your car to church on E.
6. Black folks who make a habit out of sinning all year long only come to church on C.M.E. What does C. M. E. stand for? _____________________, ____________________ and __________________
Black Crib Note: Standard holidays Black church folks that hide their sins well mention to look down on those that come to church infrequently.
7. In the summertime Black children are given 2 rules: “Close the door! You are letting all the _________ ____________ out!” and “Stop Running _______ and __________!
Black Crib Note: Two phrases that every Black child hates to hear and cusses their parents out in their head every summer when they hear it.
8. I brought you in this ____________ and I will take you __________.
Black Crib Note: Phrase that all Black parents say knowing good and well they ain’t gonna murder anyone.
9. When you were a child and asked your mom for McDonald’s, her response would be, “You got McDonald’s ____________________?
Black Crib Note: A phrase every Black mother has said knowing good and well you did not have a job because you were only 7.
10. Finish this statement from Black parents: Stop crying before I ________ _________ ____________ _________ _____________ ______________.
Black Crib Note: A phrase that every Black child hated to hear. We were already crying. Why do we need something else?
11. See I’m not your little _________________.
Black Crib Note: A phrase your mom usually says right after she has said, ya’ll are besties. You wonder if she is lying.
12. I got _____________ problems but a ___________ ain’t one.
Black Crib Note: Popular song by Jay Z before he married Beyonce and attempted to act right. We now know the lie detector has determined that was lie. Jay Z had many problems. Thank God for 4:44 and growth.
13. Okay Ladies, now let’s get in ___________________________________.
Black Crib Note: Beyonce’s hit song that made many White people very upset because it rallied Black people to get informed, get aligned, be prepared.
14. Trump was elected into office by 53% of _______________ women.
Black Crib Note: A statistic you can post on any social media forum and piss off anyone named Becky.
15.You need to call __________________
Black Crib Note: Phrase made popular by Erykah Badu and often used when a woman is done dealing with you and your bullshit and wants you to leave her house.
16. I got broads in ________________.
Black Crib Notes: No one knows what the hell Desiigner is saying, but you MUST know that line.
17. When Rose takes you to meet her White parents for the weekend, you GET ________!!
Black Crib Notes: Blockbuster movie that used horror and White liberalism to highlight racism.
18. You better call ______________ with the good _____________.
Black Crib Notes: Phrase used on the hit album by Beyonce, Lemonade that made us all try to figure out who Jay Z had cheated with and gave us a clear understanding of why Solange served him a two piece and a biscuit with butter and grape jelly in that elevator.
19. Cash Money Records taking over for the ________ and the _________.
Black Crib Notes: Song that will get any Black woman up and twerking on the dance floor, Ciroc in hand!
20.Reclaiming my _______________.
Black Crib Note phrase made popular by Maxine Waters that reminded those that didn’t know, she is boss, and all Black people can step up and do this as an act of self-care.
BONUS QUESTION: Put some _________________ on my name!
20 and Bonus Question Perfect Score. You are certified, Black! You have made the ancestors proud! You get the big piece of chicken at the next cook out!
15-19 – You are doing great but need to step your game up, or we will revoke your Black card.
10-14 – You are suspect. Black people around the world are watching you closely with a STRONG side eye.
0-9 -REALLY? You have infiltrated the system. All the ancestors are looking down at you in shame. You have reached threat level Kanye! Black card REVOKED!!