As Black Women working 9-5, second shift, third shift, figuring out how to perform a blowjob or cunnilingus, pick our kids up from daycare, bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, all while trying to protect our husbands, wives, partners, sons, and daughters from police brutality, there is SOME SHIT IN THE NEW DECADE BLACK WOMEN JUST AIN’T FUCKING DEALING WITH!! So if you want to walk into 20/20 with your Make America White Again Bullshit Red Cap or Your White Only Feminist Diatribe, let me save you some headache. Black Women Are Tired. And between all the stuff we have to deal with, WE JUST AIN’T GOT TIME! There is just some shit we ain’t dealing within the new decade!
In the words of my girl, Denita, Ms. Ho, Ho, Ho, “I’m checkin’ lists and everything!” So let’s begin…
1. Touching Our Got Damn Hair – We have made this crystal fucking clear! We are not in a petting zoo! Was Solange NOT clear ENOUGH?! No, you cannot touch our damn hair. STOP ASKING!
2. Apologizing For Wearing Our Natural Hair – THIS IS THE HAIR THAT GROWS OUT OF OUR HEADS! For 20/20, we are NOT explaining this shit ANYMORE! If you have a problem with the way our hair grows out of our heads, have a problem with Karen, or Becky growing their hair out of their heads, then we can have the conversation.
3. Explaining Racism – For 20/20 BLACK WOMEN WILL NO LONGER BE EXPLAINING RACISM, BEING CALLED RACIST, OR EXPLAINING HOW RACISM WORKS! PERIODT WITH ALL THE T’S AT THE END!! Y’all ain’t stupid! YOU KNOW HOW RACISM WORKS! YOUR DADDY AND MOMMY TAUGHT YOU! Don’t get on social media and want to act brand new! GOOGLE SOME SHIT! READ! STOP ASKING US TO EXPLAIN RACISM!!!! LOOK IN A MIRROR! IF YOU SEE YOURSELF, START THERE!
4. Picking Our Brains Over Mediocre “Starbucks-Still-Ain’t Dealt-With-It’s –Racism –And-Classism-Overpriced-Coffee” – In ANY OTHER WORLD AS LONG AS Y’ALL AINT DEALING WITH BLACK WOMEN, and you meet with someone to discuss your business, you call this consulting and PAY THEM! Black Women Are NO LONGER allowing you to “PICK OUR BRAINS FOR FREE!” PAY US!
5. Working For Exposure- Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. We get it. You have 2 followers and we should be happy to give you all our ideas! NOPE! Exposure leads to death! Black Women will NO LONGER BE WORKING FOR EXPOSURE!
6. Allowing a Mediocre White Man to Take OUR CREDIT- NOPE! OVER! DONE! FINISHED! If it is OUR IDEA, WE WILL BE STATING THAT LOUD AND CLEAR! We don’t need a mediocre White Man like Bob or Pete Buttigieg to SPEAK FOR US! WE ARE HERE! Which goes to the next point.
7. Meet the Black Woman Behind. NOPE! MEET THE BLACK WOMAN FIRST!!! PERIOD!!! If there is a fantastic idea and you see a Black woman getting coffee CHANCES ARE SHE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA! SPEAK TO HER FIRST!! SHE BEEN HAD THE IDEA, AND A WHITE MAN STOLE IT!
8. Being Apologetic For Having Sex. WHAT?! NOPE! We are women!!! We will NOT apologize for having sex, wanting to cum, and cum hard! PERIOD! If you are NOT in the business of making women cum EXTREMELY WELL, move out of the way for the person who will! THANK YOU!
9. Giving Head and Not Receiving Head Back! DONE! Having your lips and tongue on a man or woman is a beautiful, RECIPROCAL THING! RECIPROCAL IS THE KEYWORD! 69 is a fantastic number! If you are NOT in the business of pleasuring Black women orally, GREAT!! JUST LET US KNOW OFF TOP! Black women will not be sucking dick or eating pussy unless it is a mutual affair. PERIOD!!
10. Working For Free – DON’T EVEN FUCKING ASK US! DON’T! Cause you wouldn’t ask Becky to work for free! You gonna cut Becky a check! But when it’s a Black woman, you start talking about free and exposure and nonprofit. BUT YOU TAKE HOME A CHECK EACH MONTH! We ain’t your damn maids! In the words of the great Rhianna, “PAY ME WHAT YOU OWE ME! DON’T ACT LIKE YOU FORGOT!! BITCH BETTA HAVE MY MONEY!!!”
11. Kim Kardashian and ANY OTHER WHITE WOMAN THAT WANTS TO PRETEND TO BE BLACK! We are over it! Done! I am still trying to embrace Ray J since he created this monster. Wheeww Chillllay. Look what you have done, Ray! But okay! White women KNOW about cultural appropriation. THEY AREN’T STUPID. Anything that deals with stealing from Black Women will get likes and views. Kim and every White woman like Kim know what they are doing. For 20/20, BLACK WOMEN ARE OVER IT AND WE AIN’T EVEN COMMENTING! Only Black women can give your SWAGGA JACKIN ACCOUNTABILITY AND WE AINT DOING IT NO MORE!
12. Explaining Our Sexuality! DONE! Black women fuck men. Black women fuck women. Black women fuck men and women. Sometimes we do it all at the same time. Black women will no longer EXPLAIN THAT SHIT! Black women sleep with who they want to! PERIOD!
13. Dealing with the 53%. You know what you did! We see you! WE BEEN SEEN YOU!!!!!
14. Saving White America. Black Women try time and time and time again to tell you. You don’t listen. Fuck it! Y’all figure it out!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
FEEL FREE TO ADD WHAT YOU ARE NOT DEALING WITH IN THE NEW YEAR/DECADE!
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Feature Article Photo Cred: Instagram: TheOptimistDreamer